Brief Update July 2024
For anyone who's noticed my TikTok (and IG) are deactivated again and came here to check, just a quick note to say I'm taking a little social media break, but the account will be back up soon.
And I'm always reachable via email.
Take care,
Shauna
Second Update October 2024
As far as I can tell, I will not be reactivating these accounts. It's time for a brand new chapter. <3
Last Update December 2024
You ever have that dream where you’re naked in the cafeteria or some other public space?
I never have, but one day I woke up and that’s what my former audhd account felt like. Like, suddenly it was very raw and vulnerable, but also not really me.
Unintentionally so.
Within 3 months of starting the original maybeitsmemaybeitsaudhd account in June 2022, I realized I was audhd and lost my emotional support best friend 🐱 of over 16 years.
The next couple of years is a complete blur.
At the time, I knew I was processing a lot - while churning out content about that processing - but I didn’t realize how much pain I was in.
And I don’t regret processing as much as I did as loudly - and publicly - but the account became a distraction from my ability to continue doing the work I needed to.
I didn't slow down enough to grasp the magnitude of anything - to truly feel the depths of things.
I had started covering it with other things like drinking and when I stopped drinking, I started to gain clarity on what I was actually going through; what I had been repressing and avoiding.
The account became painful reminder of those last couple of years - like a video journal of my worst moments that I was constantly rewatching.
I worked so hard to create a safe space for others on my account through vulnerability, yet it didn't feel like a safe space for me anymore. It felt like salt in wounds I was desperately trying to close.
And... I didn’t like who I was becoming; trying to make personal progress in that same environment became impossible.
Everything in me was rejecting what I was doing.
I needed to actually take time to process what had happened - over the last couple of years while creating video content and the 40 years of my life prior to the account - and knowing I’m AuDHD.
It was the first time I was AuDHD without an audience - and I really needed it. I needed to live and feel and heal relatively invisibly.
I understand if anyone is upset I shut the account down without warning, and I'm sorry. Truly. I left it up for a lot longer than I wanted to in order to avoid disappointing or upsetting anyone, but it wasn't sustainable for me.
I had to draw that boundary for my own wellbeing. I had to disappear for a while and really take care of myself.
I had to make a clean break.
I needed to get my priorities straight so my soul didn't feel so disconnected from my actions.
I’m not saying I’m (sort of) back here because I’m “healed” or "perfect" or that I have any intention for this account to become what the other was.
That account had a life and soul of its own that I had little control over; it's not replicable. And that's okay.
In all honesty, I missed when the account felt more personal, and I'm looking forward to feeling that way on social media again.
I'll be sharing a bit on new TikTok accounts moving forward.
I don't intend to "create content". I just want to make videos when the mood strikes to talk with you all about the things I feel passionately about, helping where I can.
Beyond that, I’m focused on creating content on YouTube, Medium, and Substack to help with the things I used to mostly talk about like realistic stress management, somatic release, etc.
Shauna 💙
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