I talk a lot about authenticity and share some brutally honest stuff with a lot of strangers online, but I've been hiding in plain sight from others. Posting on TikTok as myself but not myself is a lot different than sharing to a platform where the majority of people connected know me personally; know me as the high-masking versions of myself. Former friends, employers, colleagues... it's a level of self-exposure I've been putting off for awhile. Not because I'm embarrassed or ashamed, but because I know it's going to draw attention to what it should - the fact that there are so many of us, undiagnosed, walking amongst us. It's going to draw attention to the abuse and mistreatment from some of these very same people - the covert and overt ableism. It feels like reopening wounds and giving them the opportunity to just... dig around.
Can you tell which platform I'm talking about?
LinkedIn has to be my next challenge in unmasking.
As much as I enjoy TikTok, that alone will not cut it. I want to help others like us learn about their nervous systems, their bauties, their triggers - emotional and sensory - and most importantly, learn about real, evidence-based tools to help manage daily life. I want to be able to more seamlessly share my thoughts in writing because that's where I can put a lot of energy without feeling overly depleted. Filming is just... a lot for me. Filming, editing - and then all of that for content that isn't really conducive to other platforms. It's a lot.
This does go beyond TikTok, but honestly, the algorithm is exhausting these days, too. Unless people share videos, they don't move - it's ridiculous. No other engagement matters anymore. I can have videos where half the people who like it also favorite it, but if it isn't getting shared at a consistent rate, it'll stop around a certain number of views. It's so frustrating because obviously if people bookmark, they find value, which means others would, too - and that's supposed to be the whole point. I could go off on a tangent about the algorithm since March but.... pattern recognition is exhausting.
We deserve to be seen, heard, and considered. We deserve trauma-informed tools and methods tailored to the way our brains and bauties work. We deserve for others to know the type of language and behaviors that negatively impact us - intentional or not. Because most of all, we deserve to feel comfortable and safe in our bodies, especially in a world that seems to do all it can to make us feel the opposite. And I'm going to keep pushing for that, for us, however I can.
So, I'm putting this out there because once I do, that's it. I'm going to take the leap and... just do it. Not advice I will often recommend, but in this case, that's what I'm going with.
Stay regulated (me to me in the shakiest of voices),